SO BEHIND!

I used to be so good at keeping up with writing to my kids.  Now, since I've been in school, I just don't have much time to respond to letters.  I am finding that emailing a response is much quicker than hand writing a letter.  I hope my kids understand why I am so late in writing to them, and that they are not disappointed with finding no little goodies in the envelope.  It's been a couple weeks, and I now have six letters to respond to.
I also am having a hard time emailing them once a month.  I can't believe it'll be almost December, and I still don't have anything to write about.  Maybe I should take a break from writing them, but then, I feel guilty about missing a month.  And I just can't miss a month.  I keep seeing Kajal's words in my mind; "I look forward to your letters every month."  I can't disappoint them.  I may delay responding to their letters, but I have to keep my monthly letters.  Here are just a few highlights from the letters that I have to respond to:

Guian Carlos in Peru:  I accepted Jesus as my Savior when I was 13.  I tell you that at Christmas time I decorate my house and I also set up a Christmas tree and I listen to Christmas carols.

Praise God that he is a Christian!  His Christmas traditions sound a lot like America's, doesn't it?

Kajal in Bangladesh: When I am sick our teachers and madam take me to doctor for treatment.

I am so glad that Compassion takes such good care of our children!

Samuel in Kenya: Samuel says that he loves Jesus and he asks whether you love Him too?  He says he prays all the time for you.

Another one who loves Jesus!  I just love it!

Peace in Rwanda:  I love you so much and am happy with you.

Aw!  So sweet!  She is definitely beginning to open up.

Mickelene in Haiti; I sing very often in a group that is called United Hearts.  I don't sing in solo.  Do you used to sing in a group as well?

I'm glad she is active in her church.  People would not pay to hear me sing;  in fact, they would pay NOT to hear me sing!  Sorry, Mickelene!

CARLOS' FRIENDS

I always enjoy learning about my kids' lives, families, and friends.  Carlos, the cutest little boy in El Salvador, wrote me a letter telling me about his friends.

Who is your best friend?  Kevin and Lucas

How old is your best friend?  7 and 8 years old

For how long do you know your best friend?  3 years (about the same amount of time that I have been writing to him)

Where did you meet your best friend?  My school

What grade is your best friend in?  2nd

What do you like to play with your best friend?  Play tag

Who does your best friend live with?  Mother and Father

Hi, I'm very happy to write to you, I play soccer at the CDI, I'm now able to add the numbers.  My best friends' names are Kevin and Lucas, they live with their mom.  I always ask for all your prayers and your letters.  God bless you and take good care of yourself.  Your friend that loves you very much, Carlos.

Carlos drew me a very cute picture of his friend/s playing soccer.  I'm not sure if the two boys are him and a friend, or if they are both of his friends.

I TOLD MY KIDS ABOUT MY BRAIN DAMAGE

A while ago, I wrote to my children about my brain damage and the effects it has on me.  I am just now receiving letters talking about that very letter.  The sweetest one I received last month from Daneisi, my newest correspondent in the Dominican Republic.  It was also my first letter from her.  Yesterday, I received a letter from Anabell, my now 15 year-old girl in Honduras.

Here is what is Daneisi's letter:

God bless you more!  How are you and your family?  As you have told me in the letters about your disabilities buy you know, sometimes I think really big is happening to me when as a fact is something very simple.  You know, I want to let you know that I am very happy that even with your disabilities you have such beautiful thinking, and you know, it does not matter what you might have, the Lord has allowed it and has given you the opportunity to be alive because He has something wonderful for you and He wants you to keep getting your goals.  I am sure God has much hope in you.  I thank you very much for trusting me and telling me about your life.  Here it is already summer and it is very hot, in a couple days I am going to the river, and i want to send you some pictures of the place as you told me you like the sea and the rivers and I want you to see some places of my country.  I will be praying for your health.  God bless you!

This still makes me cry.  I think she and I are going to be very close.  And this is just her first letter!  I haven't felt like this since I lost Fadeline (from Haiti, she left the project and wrote the longest, most informative letters) and Anongnard (from Thailand, her letters always made me smile, she even drew me a picture of a mouse on a birthday cake for my birthday; her project closed).  Those losses hurt me much worse than any of the others.  I had a special relationship with both girls.  And Daniesi is a gift from God (they all are, but this one especially).  Every time someone posted on here about Compassion needing more correspondents, I would always sign up for one more.  Each time, I prayed for a girl.  Each time, I got a boy.  Until Daniesi.  When I saw her, I knew she was the one I was praying for.  And, strangely, I have no desire to add any more.  I wonder if my family is complete.

Okay, onto Anabell's letter (have I mentioned I love this girl?):

Hello, appreciable sponsor (love that, by the way!)

I'm very happy to write you.  I have received all your letters and gifts that you have sent me and I like them very much. Thank you for being such a special friend.  I'm fine and I keep working very hard in my studies.  My family is also well and happy.  I think that Christmas is a very special time to share with the family and that is what we do.  Early in July I had a week off from school and I spent time with my mom because I only live with her and my sister. I didn't meet my father. I like to attend church because I learn many nice things and I also share with my friends.  I have never seen the snow, but I hope that one day I will be able to watch fall in the United States.  I have heard from your country and it is a developed country with big cities and that it is very pretty, maybe you want to tell me more about it.  I will pray for you.  I think of not as a disabled person but as somebody with special abilities.  I imagine that it must be difficult everything you are going through, but if God has not left you until now, I'm sure that He never will.  I hope that you pray for me and my country.  Honduras is a beautiful country but with lots of problems and only God can set us free.  Give my regards to your family.

Oh, my goodness, I just love that girl!  Just like Daneisi, Anabell and I have a special connection. I was meant to be her sponsor. 

STRUGGLING TO ENDURE

STRUGGLING TO ENDURE

Philippians 3:14

I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God's heavenly call in Christ Jesus.

I do not have endurance.  When things get too hard, I tend to quit.  However, God is building endurance in me.  I have learned to endure through financial struggles, emotional healing, and through physical pain.  I must develop endurance to survive this life.

One of the hardest things to do is returning to school as an adult.  During this time of my life, I am sometimes tempted to give up.  I simply cannot succeed in school.  At least, not by my standards.  My grades prove otherwise.  However, I am committed to finishing it.

I keep in mind my goal, that this is what the Lord has called me to do.  I want to be in His will.  He is guiding me, and He will continue to sustain me.  Everything He has promised will one day (pretty soon I hope) come true.

I am going where He leads me.  And, one day, I will gain the prize that the Lord has promised me.

Are there times you feel like giving up?  Keep your eyes on the prize, the promise Jesus has given you.

Lord, sometimes I feel like giving up.  Sometimes, it is just too hard to continue.  Lord, fill me with Your assurance.  Lead me and sustain me.  In Your  name, Amen

A LETTER FROM USANASE

Usanase is a new correspondent. He lives in Rwanda.  He will be 16 in November.  Usanase, who I call Fil (his last name is Fils), was assigned to me about a year ago.  This is the fourth or fifth letter that I have received from him.

His letter:

To my parent that I love so much and I wish the love of God to be with you.  I'm fine.  We have now started third term that ends the year.  I study in Senior two, in o'level (not sure what this means).  I like playing piano and guitar.  I received Christ as my Savior on 14/07/2012 (months before I was assigned to him).  How is you and your family?  I wish to see you face to face.  May you send me your photo.  Thank you!  May God bless you.  I thank you first for the letter you sent to me and we have continued to pray for you on the problems that you had and happy for the marks that you got (I've been keeping my kids up to date on my grades in school), it will give you a good job.  Psalms 97:10 and Jeremiah 31:10.  I love these verses so much.

I THINK I TALKED ABOUT FORGIVENESS

I heard from Guian Carlos, my sponsored boy in Peru.  He's not really a boy, as he is now 16 years old.  This is the second letter I have received talking about forgiveness.  Hmm. . .  Did I send a letter about forgiveness?  I don't remember.  I don't keep a copy of every letter that I write.  I must have talked about forgiving those who hurt you.  FYI - for things to write to your teen/young adult about, try spiritual issues, like forgiveness, mercy.  Talk about things that have affected you and what you learned during the experiences.  These are the subjects that I am receiving the most responses.

GUIAN CARLOS' LETTER

I greet you in the name of our lovely Jesus Christ.  I want to tell you that my family and I are fine.  I like the photo of the cute rooster and the cat.  Well, since I had the call of God I have happy life.  The last thing I did for God was to forgive my worst enemy.  I would like to be a police officer because I would like to stop crimes in my country.  Well, I have to close.  My family cannot pay my studies.  It is very expensive.  In electricity, I am learning to make bulbs.  I share soda in a company called "Kola Real".  I would like to work in an electricity company.  Would you like to come to Peru?  If you come, what places would you like to know?  Would you forgive people who hurt you?  Please pray for my grandma who is sick and for my family.  I say goodbye with a big hug.

CARLOS' CHRISTIAN INSTRUCTION

I received a letter from Carlos, my correspondent in El Salvador.  He is eight years old, and just recently started writing his letters by himself.  I have dubbed him the Cutest Little Boy in El Salvador.  I think you will agree.


One thing I like about Compassion is that they teach Jesus to the children.  I know when my children go to the project, they are receiving Christian teaching.

Here is his letter:

I learn about God at my home, at my project, and at my church.
What I have learned about Jesus and I like the most is He loves me and saves me, He heals me.
When I pray to Jesus I do it for my sponsor, my project, my friends, and my family.
My favorite Bible story is David.
My favorite verse is Joshua 9:9.
What is your favorite song to sing at the project?  The Toad.
What is your favorite character from the Bible?  David.

He drew me a picture of Moses and the parting of the Red Sea.

Hello, dear sponsor, I greet you with affection.  I wanted to thank you for your letters.  I loved the stickers, I showed them to my friends and the bookmark you sent, and it's in my Bible.  thank you alot.  My family is doing well, and they send their regards.  How is your family?  I ask you to keep praying for me.  I pray for you as well.  In the project, they teach me about the creation, and I like the story of Moses.  I hope to hear from you soon.  I love you a lot.  Carlos.

MY PICTURES

Have I mentioned I love taking pictures?  One day, I would like to take a photography class, just to improve.  I don't want to be a professional photographer, but just to enhance the beauty of my personal photos.  Here are some of my favorite ones, ones that I have taken recently.

I just like the look of pathways in the midst of the forest.

How can you not think this is adorable?  A squirrel was consumed with its food it didn't notice me driving by and snapping the photo.  I did stop, by the way.  I'm not reckless!

During a severe thunderstorm, two baby birds and a hatching egg fell from the nest.  I placed all three birds back in the nest.  Unfortunately, later that day, two of the birds fell again and died.  I don't know what happened to the third bird.  But, as I took this picture, I was reminded that all new life is fragile and precious, whether it is a baby bird, or a baby human.  We must take great care of our animals and children.

I just love water.  Waterfalls, creeks, rivers, ponds, lakes, the ocean.  Water has a way of restoring peace to my soul, and I am reminded of the verse that peace will wash over me, just like a river.

I was on my way downtown, to a huge craft fair.  I crossed a bridge, and happened to look over the side.  I couldn't escape this rare photo opportunity.  I tried several times to get a better photo of the duck and ducklings, but they kept swimming away from me.  I think they were trying to hide!

Have I mentioned that I love water?  This is one of my favorite pictures, and it was taken the same day as the ducks.  I truly believe God loves beauty and water just as much as I do.

Okay, I couldn't pass this up.  An old water wheel.  I reminds me of a past we are so quick to forget; a past that reminds us of how far we have come and how much we have lost.

I couldn't help but take a picture of this little beggar.  

Sunsets are a beautiful and wonderful thing, aren't they?  If we stay outside long enough, if we pause just long enough, we can be reminded of everything the Lord has in store for us, all in a sunset.

OVERWHELMING PEACE

OVERWHELMING PEACE

Isaiah 26:3

You will keep the mind that is dependent on you in perfect peace, for it is trusting in you.

Right now, I am overwhelmed with peace.  I am in God's will.  I am obeying Him in this new stage of my life.  My mind, spirit, and body are dependent on Him.  I am trusting the Lord to see me through.

The peace I have is overflowing.  Anything can happen, and in fact, has happened.  Yet the peace has not left me.  It is constant and always present.

Sometimes in our lives, we can experience this incredible peace.  Other times are marked by confusion, pain, and fear.

When we are in the will of God, He sends us His peace.  Everything will be okay.  It will all work out in the end.

I do not know what all the Lord has in store for me.  Or for you.  I do know that it is good.  He will bring each of us into a time of peace.

Where are you right now?  Are you experiencing overwhelming peace?  Rejoice and thank the Lord for His peace.

Are you confused or fearful?  Pray for His peace.  And listen to His guidance.

Heavenly Father, thank You for Your overwhelming peace.  Continue to send me Your peace and Your love.  In Jesus' name, Amen

LOOKING FORWARD

LOOKING FORWARD

John 14:3

If I go away and prepare a place for you, I will come back and receive you to Myself, so that where I am you may be also.

Nothing gets me excited about the future than this verse.  Jesus is returning!

The thought of Jesus returning fills me with joyful anticipation.  One day, He will set all things right.  He will conquer Satan and call the faithful to Him.  What a joyous day that will be!

What do I really look forward to about Jesus' return?  Meeting Him in person.  To see Him.  To hear Him.  To be welcomed by Him.

I truly believe that within every Christian, there is a joyful anticipation.  Each of us has a place in His kingdom, here and in the future.  He welcomes each of us.  And He will one day return and welcome us to Him.

What feelings are invoked in you at Jesus' return?  Excitement, anticipation, relief?  Is it fear or uncertainty?  If it is excitement or anticipation, rejoice in His promise.  If it is fear or uncertainty, open your heart to Him and ask Him for that assurance.

Lord, I praise You for Your promise of Your return.  Continue to prepare me for that glorious day.  In Your name, Amen

AFFLICTIONS AND BLESSINGS

AFFLICTIONS AND BLESSINGS

Deuteronomy 8:16

He fed you in the wilderness with manna that your fathers had not known, in order to humble and test you, so that in the end He might cause you to prosper.

I have been humbled and tested through afflictions.  Humbled by the Lord's care of me.  Tested by neverending troubles.

A couple years later, and I am just learning all the good things Jesus has in store for me.  Last year, it seemed as if God was telling me to rest and relax, to enjoy life, that the difficult time was finally over.  This year, the message seems to be prepare and to move, that there is more ahead.

So many good things seem to be happening to me as I continue to seek and obey God.  Most recently, I am experiencing His blessings.  Jesus is causing me to prosper.  Right here, right now.  I am enjoying the outpouring of His blessings.  I do not deserve them, especially after I have doubted Him and considered rejecting Him.  Yet, He still chooses to bless me.

I know there will be more troubles.  This is life.  When they do come, I will hold onto this promise; JEsus is going to feed me in the wilderness.  He is going to humble and test me.  And, in the end, He will cause me to prosper.

Consider your past troubles.  Do you see His feeding you?  Do you remember His testing of you?  Have you experienced your own time of prosperity? Rejoice.  Jesus is still caring for you, whether you are experiencing a troubling or prosperous time.

Jesus, thank You for all You have done for me.  I am forever grateful to You.  When troubles come, I ask that You will open my eyes to Your care and feeding of me.  When prosperity comes, I ask that You keep me humble and grateful.  In Your name, Amen.

A VERY CUTE LETTER PLUS AN UPDATED PHOTO OF THE CUTEST LITTLE BOY IN EL SALVADOR

I still consider Carlos the "Cutest Little Boy in El Salvador".  I noticed his photo updated yesterday, which was a pleasant surprise.  I can't get over just how cute and adorable he is!  Carlos is eight years old, my youngest out of all my kids.

Also, yesterday I received a letter from him.  He just melted my heart with this letter.

It is My Dreams template.

When I grow up I want to be a firefighter (a good career)

Some day I would like to go diving

I would like to meet the snow (I think my winter pictures inspired him to say this)

Some day I would like to meet my sponsor because for you to tell me what your house is like and tell you I love you very much.  (Aw!)

Hello!  I hope that you are in good health with your family and friends.  I want to thank you for the letters received.  When I grow up, my dream is to be a firefighter and to serve in the community.  I would like to dive in the ocean and to see the fish and the sea plants (ideas as to what to send him now), and to be close to them.  Please, pray for my mother and for me so that God will bless us.  I pray for you, so that God is watching over you.  Until next time, Carlos Efrain

And, I must be a bad correspondent, for I noticed last month that he is now writing by himself!  I looked over the last few letters, and he's been writing by himself for quite some time!  I completely missed it until recently!

FREEDOM THROUGH FORGIVENESS

FREEDOM THROUGH FORGIVENESS

Ephesians 4:32

And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in christ.

For me, the hardest part of following Jesus was forgiving my abusers.  I held onto the anger, the bitterness, and the hatred for as long as I could.  I knew Jesus wanted me to forgive them; I just wanted to hold onto my sin a little while longer.

It took me years to forgive every one of my abusers.  But, I finally surrendered my bitterness and anger to the Lord.  I chose to forgive them.  However, I cannot forget their actions.  Even though I have forgiven them, I will no longer allow them to hurt me.

Forgiveness has freed me in ways I never thought possible.  I no longer feel burdened, as if the weight will crush me.  No more do I compare people or events against my past.

Jesus has forgiven me; what choice do I have but to forgive those who have hurt me?

Today, I pray not for revenge, but for their salvation and healing.  And, when I find that bitterness and anger eating at me again, I choose to forgive the person who has hurt me.

Take a moment now.  Who do you need to forgive?  Let go of the anger and bitterness.  Embrace the freedom that comes through forgiveness.

Jesus, thank You for forgiving me.  I ask you to forgive me for the anger and bitterness I have held against others.  I choose today to forgive those who have hurt me.  In Your name, Amen.

A LITTLE SECRET

I am coming clean.  Only a few people know about my little secret.  I am writing this in the hopes it will help someone.

I am not normal.  I may appear to be so, but I am far from it.  The more time you spend with me, the more you will be able to pick up signs that there is something wrong.  And, there is.

You see, when I was two or two and a half years old, I got really sick.  With bacterial meningitis.  I almost died in the hospital.  Because I was so young, I do not remember the time in the hospital, nor what it was like to have a normal brain.  As a result of the meningitis, I suffered from seizures.  I was put on medicine, but only for a few years.  By the time I was eight years old, I was off of the medicine and free from seizures. I not only suffered from seizures, but I also suffered brain damage.  I don't know which side of my brain is damaged, but I do know the effects of it.

Someone mentioned that I do a good job of hiding my disability (if you call it that, and I will for lack of a better word).  I want to say that I don't  hide it; I cope with it.  The damage is with me every single day, and sometimes when I am impatient with myself, I have to remind myself that I am not normal.  I am not up to everyone else's mental capacity. Sometimes, it's easier for me to deal with myself when I do this.

My mom said that I had reverted back to having the skills of an infant.  I had to relearn how to walk, how to talk, how to hold a crayon, how to feed and dress myself.  It took years, especially with my speech.  Even today, I will pause and say another word because I'm not sure how to say the first word.  Like pearl.  I just cannot say that word, and I stumble over it.  and question.  Sometimes, if I'm not careful, it will come out Kestin.  I remember being in a room with a therapist while everyone else was on the playground.  When I was allowed to play at recess, I didn't know what to do.  I was used to sitting on a chair (maybe at a desk?) and repeating the words the therapist was saying or reading the card I was given.  I was in fifth/sixth grade when the speech therapy stopped.  However, my spelling and reading skills were high above the rest of my class.  I was reading middle school books by the time I was in fourth or fifth grade, and was graduating to the high school level by sixth grade.  And, of course, by the time I was in junior high, I was reading adult, or as much as my mother would allow me.  A secret with spelling?  I visualize the words, and that is why I am so good at spelling.  Sometimes, when I am listening to music, I will close my eyes and visualize the words that I hear.

I am a huge fan of Easter Seals.  My mom said they were the ones who helped me the most.  They encouraged me for the effort, not the result.  I will be forever grateful to my therapists who saw the potential in me, who never gave up on me.

I knew something was wrong with me, but I grew up with therapists, especially speech therapy, and I figured it was normal.  It wasn't until I was in my mid 20's that my mom told me I had brain damage.  Suddenly, it all made sense!  Why I had to have speech therapy (I had long forgotten the physical and occupational) and why I have such trouble in certain areas.  A couple years ago, I did research online about my brain damage, and my eyes were opened.

Cognitive, physical, and other symptoms that I have are

Difficulty processing information.  When there's a lot of information coming at me, I get overwhelmed, and I can't process all of it, not even half of it.  I find this particularly true in all day trainings, trainings that are required by DPW in daycare (not all day, but a certain number of hours).  I come away with only one or two things to do, not the whole picture.

Difficulty in expressing thoughts.  I know what I want to say, but I don't know the correct words, and I get the other person confused.  Or I don't give all of the information or directions, yet it's in my head.  I call this a disconnect from my brain to my mouth.  The words are in my mind, but they just don't come out.  When I talk about this, others have said that I make myself understood.  That's not what I mean.  I get words mixed up.  I will say brown when I mean to say black.  I am at a loss for words quite frequently, and I will lose the name of an object, like swingset.  I KNOW what it is; I just can't say it.  Which is why writing is so important to me.  The words that I write are what is in my mind.  I am saying what I mean.  Writing is my form of conveying my thoughts.  I don't have a disconnect from my brain to my hand.  The words flow out of me, and I write what I want to verbally say.

Difficulty in understanding others.   I am a visual person, and I can understand more through reading rather than listening.  Sometimes, my co-worker will tell me something, and I will do what I think she said.  Only until after I've already done it will I learn from her what she actually wanted me to do.  

Shortened attention span.  I find myself in church, listening to the pastor, and then, my mind starts to wander.  I also find myself tuning out after a prolonged conversation.  My attention span varies.  It can be from 10 minutes to 20 minutes.  I don't mean to do this; I just can't concentrate.  I really want to pay attention; I am just unable.  Unless there is action.  More than just hand gestures or the pastor walking around on the stage. The more action there is, the more I am able to concentrate on the person talking.  Maybe that's why I like action shows and movies.  And I cannot just watch someone standing on stage singing or playing an instrument.  There has to be varied action.  I am like this with tv shows, movies, etc.  Even if it is a half hour long, I cannot pay attention if there is not a different scene every few minutes.  My mind starts to wander, and, if I am home, I will do something else, like play games on the computer.  Until I learned the symptoms of brain damage, I was really thinking I had ADD.  This explained a lot to me.

Inability to understand abstract concepts.  Like Algebra.  The more complex it is, the less I understand it.  The more directions, the more confused I become.  I am not good at  helping kids with Math.  I never could figure out the simple math without a calculator.  The harder it is, the less I am able to do it.  It doesn't mean I don't try.  I do my best, and I will keep trying and wondering why it's so easy for others and I can't do it.

Impaired decision making.  I hesitate when bombarded with emergency decisions.  And I hesitate even more when it comes to decisions that are huge, like life-changing.  Sometimes, the decisions I make don't make sense to you, but they make perfect sense to me.

Memory loss.  This is definitely one that gets on my nerves in a big way.  I cannot remember conversations, events, anything.  My childhood memories are only a few, and when I do talk about my childhood, it is repeating what I have heard.  People come in and out of my life, and eventually I will forget about them.  I might remember their name or their face or something about  them, but I can't tell you how I know that person or when we met.  Friends have talked to me about an event, recent and years ago, and I don't remember it.  I know I was there, but I don't remember who else was there, what was said, or anything else.  I make promises and fail to deliver, because I forget I made that promise.  When I say that I don't remember, I am being honest.  Please don't be hurt.  I don't mean to hurt you, but the memory has completely been wiped out.  Others have teased me about this, and I even joke about it.  When I know it is in good fun, I can have fun with myself.  If I know it is meant to be hurtful, then I will grieve over my inability to remember.

Spatial disorientation.  I have a problem judging distances.  And directions, like North, east, etc.  I get lost very easily.  I recently hung a frame on the wall.  It took me over an hour to get it slightly crooked, even with me measuring.  The nail was either too far away or too high or too low.  By the time it hung, I didn't care that is crooked, and it is still crooked today.

Balance issues.  I thought maybe this was my ab muscles not getting used.  Perhaps this is true, but I also find myself climbing steps and suddenly going off balance.  Maybe that is why I sprain my ankle a lot, because I can step on a small pebble and lose my balance.

Seizures.  I no longer suffer from them.

Irritability or impatience.  This is mostly on myself.  I might not show it, but I get irritable and impatient often with myself, especially when these symptoms are showing themselves all at once.

Flattened or heightened emotions or reactions.  I think this is also a coping mechanism, as I don't show my emotions very well.  But, now I have another reason!  I also do not react to things like everyone else does.  I might seem cold, but I'm not.  I need time to process everything, and then I will react or allow myself to feel emotions.  Usually at night, when I am alone.


I hope this explains some of the things that you will  notice should we meet, or if we actually do know each other.

One thing that I look forward to is a verse that says that God will heal everything, diseases, disabilities, everything.  This includes my brain.  One day, I will know what it is like to be normal, to not have these problems anymore.  Yet, I wonder, when I am healed in Heaven, will I still have my gift of writing?  Or will I lose that ability?

I am debating right now whether or not to tell my older kids about my brain damage.

There has been a blessing with my brain damage.  It makes me more patient, more kind, more empathetic toward others who have disabilities.  And, one day, maybe the Lord will send someone in my path that will benefit from my experiences.

A LIVING HOPE

A LIVING HOPE

1 Peter 1:3

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!  In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.

Easter is a time of joy.  We rejoice that Jesus is alive. 

Easter is a time of victory.  Sin is defeated, and Jesus is alive.

Easter is a time of hope.  The hope of Heaven, the hope of His presence, the hope of His care.  

He is our living hope.  We don't worship a dead God; we worship a living One.  Even though Jesus died for us, He didn't allow death to defeat Him.  It is through His resurrection that we have hope.  It is through His resurrection that we have victory.

Rejoice today that our Savior is alive.  And that He is still very active in our lives.

Jesus, thank You for being our living hope.  Bring us joy in Your resurrection today.  In Your name, Amen

PRECIOUS AND HONORED

PRECIOUS AND HONORED

Isaiah 43:4

Because you are precious and honored in My sight, and because I love you

A recent blog I read reminded me just how the Lord feels about me.

Some days are hard.  Some days are good.  I have had more hard days recently.  I admit; it's my outlook.  I have failed to take comfort in God and to rejoice in His love for me.

Some days I wonder if anyone notices my effort; at work, at home, out among friends.  It's easy to feel neglected and ignored.  It's a lot harder to rebuke those feelings and find value in Christ.

I am precious in His sight.  Even if no one sees me, He does.  He gives me value when no one else does.  He calls me precious.

I am honored in His sight.  Sometimes I feel as if I'm worthless, and that my efforts are in vain.  Jesus honors me.  In my mind, he stands up and greets me, like an honored guest.  He calls me honored.

today, I will refocus on Jesus.  I will once more refuse to find my worth through people.  I will seek the Lord and His love for me.  Precious and honored.  That's what I am.  

That's what you are.  Precious and honored.

Are there days you feel neglected, ignored, looked over?  Know that Jesus loves you, and that you are precious and honored in His sight.

Jesus, thank You for valuing me, for loving me.  Keep my eyes fixed on You.  In Your name, Amen.

AN EMPTY CULTURE

AN EMPTY CULTURE

1 Peter 1: 18 and 19

For you know that you were redeemed from your empty way of life inherited from the fathers, not with perishable things like silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without defect or blemish.

There are times when I realize that this culture in which I live in is empty.  It promises satisfaction, but it doesn't deliver.  Our culture tells us to have more things, more money, more, more,  more.  If we possess this or that, we will be happy, content, and our problems will disappear.  I have discovered that material possessions do not make me happy.  They certainly can't keep me content for very long.  And my problems are still there, even more so by the money I spent on the very thing that would make me happy.  Of course, then I feel guilty for having spent that money on such a needless item.

I long to seek God's culture.  His culture satisfies me to my most inner being.  Yet, it is so hard to fight against the culture into which I was born and to seek after the Lord's.  His culture promises that if you give, you will receive.  Humble yourselves, and you will be lifted up.  Become weak so you can be strong.  Give sacrificially, and you will be blessed.  Become last so you can be first.  

The deeper our relationship with Christ, the more unrewarding our culture becomes.  The more we seek Him, the less appeal the world has.  We see the bright beauty of the Lord, and we are able to recognize the dull glow of the world.

Let's each of us seek the Lord with renewed life, longing, and love.  Let us reject the world and its empty promises and hold tighter to Jesus, who alone can satisfy us.

Lord Jesus, I thank You for Your culture, for calling for a different way of life.  I repent of my selfishness, my desire to possess more.  Give me more of a giving heart, one that seeks to honor You in all she does.  In Your name, Amen.

DREAM REBORN

I love to read.  Have I mentioned that?  I often read fiction.  I don't usually read non-fiction. Sometimes, if I can read it fast and don't have to take my time with it. 

I have heard good reports about this book.  At first, I wasn't interested.  A lot of non-fiction books that I pick up are dry and boring within the first couple of chapters.  The more I learned about Kisses From Katie , the more I wanted to read it.  I kept my eye on it at the Christian bookstore, waiting for it to go on sale.  Just in case.  On Black Friday, I walked into the store, and there it was, on sale, staring me in the face and calling my name. So, I bought it.  When I got home, I placed it in my pile of unread books.  

Recently, I picked it up and started to read it.  I'm not finished with it yet (I'm only on the sixth chapter).  However, from the very first chapter, I am hooked.  This book is giving me hope. 

Hope that had died.  Hope that I had given up.  Hope that is now being resurrected and causing me to wonder what the Lord has in store for me.

Let me explain. . . 

Ever since I knew what adoption was, I was intrigued by it. The Lord planted a seed in my young heart.  From time to time, growing up, I considered having my own child (once I was married, which hasn't happened).  Always, I wanted to adopt.  Gradually, the desire to have my own natural child died.  Gradually, the desire to adopt someone else's child grew.  I became fascinated with it.  I was drawn to stories and movies about adoption.  As I became an adult, the desire never left.  

I had given up adoption and marriage only a few months ago.  Until this book.  

As I read the pages quickly turning into chapters, hope sprang up in me.  

Maybe, just maybe, the Lord is calling me to adopt.  Without being married.  

Now, I probably will not go to a foreign country, like Katie, but maybe the Lord is going to use me.  Maybe He is about to give me the desires of my heart; adopting a child.

Now, there is just one problem.  I do not live on my own yet.  I cannot afford to support myself just yet.  Every time I think I'm getting there, something major happens, and I have to start all over.  

Recently, I have been feeling led to change careers.  To look for a higher paying job with benefits.  To return to school, even though it will be training classes for adults.  To keep buying things to move out with.  To prepare.

My dream is reborn.  And, instead of choosing the child I would like to adopt, I will be open to whoever the Lord has in mind for me.  Newborn all the way up to 17 years old.  I will no longer limit God.  I will be His vessel, His servant.  

Along with this hope and dream comes excitement.  Excitement of what awaits me.  Excitement of how Jesus is going to use me.

Thank You, Jesus, for resurrecting my dreams, my hopes.  Use me and lead me.